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Lawyer Jokes?

Jim Jnr M - 2007-09-01 14:18:15 - Jokes Riddles

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest Stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off of you when you die. Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service. What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? Stick his bill up his ass. What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? Not enough sand. What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog. What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever. What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being. Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke. What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick. What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane? Skeet. What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer? Chelsea Clinton. If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him? It might be your bicycle. What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start! How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving. Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.

Mejor respuesta:

My dads a lawyer you meanie

Respuestas:

Very good and oh so true

very good will tel them to my work mates thanks

Nice... very nice!

LOL! Nice! Some I didn't understand, but those were hilarious.

The one about the nukes is the best 'Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.' Good stuff.

lol are lawers that bad man

Ha ha very legally funny. Some could also apply to politicians. :-)))

Good stuff I am a member of the Chartered Institute of Building so get lots of jokes about that too

Absolutely hilarious! Some I know, but others are new to me. Star!

Excellent. They'll probably sue.

love these

My dads a lawyer you meanie

I thought I liked blonde jokes best but now I'm not so sure!! Thanks Jim !!

Oh so right! Good one!

wow you don't like lawyers

Good one there Jim!!! you speak the Truth here!!! <ab>

Heres one for you: A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

why do you have to bury lawyers 600 feet down in a grave instead of the standard 6 feet? because, deep, deep, deep, deeeeep, down, everyone is a good person.